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Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Online Course and Book Review

2/28/2023

I just finished taking an in-depth 12 week parenting course, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, that I have really benefited from, and I'd like to share more about it with you. Laura Markham, PhD, is a clinical psychologist, and founder of the Aha! Parenting website, based her approach "Peaceful Parenting." As a longtime reader of Dr. Laura's website, I'm very excited to be able to review both the course and Dr. Laura's book!

The Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids course teaches parents to coach and connect with their children while better regulating their own (parental) emotions. Both course and book provide many strategies on how to have a more positive, cooperative relationship with your children. The course offers detailed strategies and information, plus weekly audio lectures, daily meditations to help rewire your brain, and homework. Interestingly, this parenting philosophy is very compatible with Stoicism, which also seeks better emotional regulation.

In this post, I've written a full review of the course including key concepts, who will benefit from it, plus benefits and drawbacks of this parenting approach. If you're interested, but not enough to commit to a 12 week course, the key concepts are all addressed in Dr. Laura's book, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting available on Amazon.*

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War Is A Racket: A Few Profit, the Many Pay

4/1/2022

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In the 1930s, a retired Marine Corps General made a speaking tour of America. His message? War is racket. This was unusual enough that it created quite a stir at the time, and General Smedley Butler's message is so important and revealing that it is still often discussed, especially among anti-war and critical thinkers, almost 100 years later.

Smedley Butler was one of the most decorated generals in American history, having served during the Mexican Revolution and World War I. He won 15 medals, including five for heroism, and the Medal of Honor twice. Butler's moral courage was a match for his physical courage. When he retired from the military, he took the unusual step of pointing out that war is a racketeering scheme in his 1935 book, War is a Racket. What did he mean by this?

I have been planning to write this post for for several years, but it seems especially timely now with the war in Ukraine happening. In what follows, I will break down Butler's message and explain why it is the key to understanding the deeper reasons (with rare exceptions) that nations go to war, along with the true costs of war to regular people.

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What the Game of Thrones Ending Really Means

6/2/2019

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Some tyrants come as liberators. That is the final twist in Game of Thrones, a show known for it's shocking plot twists. This is what George R. R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire is ultimately about; what war really does to people, the difficultly of just rule, the inability to overcome personal moral failings, and the cyclical nature of tyranny.

Game of Thrones, the show based on the Song of Ice and Fire novels, is a bit more about putting spectacle over story. But Queen Daenerys as the final villain, rather than Cersei or the Night King, is George R. R. Martin's surprise ending, make no mistake about it. Viewers were naturally horrified to watch a sympathetic character turn bad, but that's the whole point! We were tricked in order to get us to understand the cruelty and horror of war by watching a character we knew and maybe liked become a tyrant.

This isn't just my hot take on it, either. George R. R. Martin was a conscientious objector to the Vietnam War. He acknowledges that the perception of war as something glorious is a problem. Though not a radical pacifist, he states in this interesting clip that his goal with A Song of Ice and Fire, is to show the true cost of war.

Violence under the guise of "breaking the wheel," promoting democracy, human rights, and most other justifications is still abominable. That is why we should be looking for non-violent solutions to problems rather than perpetually glorifying war and violent conflict.

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The Top 5 Reasons Political Independents Are Misunderstood

2/14/2017

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In this environment of political tension, being angry is de riguer. I have recently been criticized for not being morally outraged about some public policy issue. It got me thinking, in light of how complex human society is, why the rush to judgment? Why let anger over some abstract political issues get in the way of your relationships with others?

The give and take necessary for discussing controversial subjects in a reasonable way is a learned skill. I'm the first to admit that am not as good at it as I would like to be. My own failure of articulation aside though, I don't want to rush to judgement about complex issues without being able to research and think them over carefully first. The philosopher Jaques Ellul stresses caution in rendering our convictions:

The propagandist can mobilize man for action that is not in accord with his previous convictions. Modern psychologists are well aware that there is not necessarily any continuity between conviction and action, and no intrinsic rationality in opinions or acts. Into these gaps in continuity propaganda inserts its lever. It does not seek to create wise or reasonable men but proselytes and militants.[1]

I have written before that being quick to anger makes you vulnerable to propaganda, which is why you should try to be cautious with your thought process. But in doing so, you are likely to leave yourself open to being misunderstood. In fact, these 5 seemingly reasonable behaviors of political freethinkers and independents might really piss people off:

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Solomon Kane: Must See Fantasy Flick About the Surprising Paradox of Nonviolence

2/19/2016

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While doing research for this post, I came across the unusual phrase "A lasting peace, through the judicious use of the spear." This phrase perfectly sums up the salient moral message in Solomon Kane, an independent Sword and Sorcery film about a Puritan vigilante sworn to fight evil in 16th Century England.

Far from being another film full of gratuitous violence, Solomon Kane explores a rather profound ethical question: when does adherence to nonviolence trump the moral and personal obligation to protect your life, or the lives of your family, from immanent harm?

Solomon Kane offers an unexpected axiom on the paradox of nonviolent philosophy. Pacifism is undoubtedly a philosophy arising from a selfless desire to not harm others. Pacifists view all violence as a moral failing. But paradoxically, the failure to protect others from immanent rape, murder, etc, when in a position to do so, leads to them being harmed. Under certain circumstances, nonviolence is actually a selfish philosophy, rather than a selfless philosophy.

In a world where evil people rape and murder, forceful opposition to violence is not only pragmatic, it necessary and moral. The most pragmatic and ethical position is nonaggression, rather than nonviolence.

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6 Reasons Why It Is Wrong to Spank Kids - Number 4 May Shock You

10/20/2015

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I was spanked as a child, but my husband and I don't plan on spanking our son. We have determined that spanking is not ethical or ok for our child and family. Children are people with rights of their own, and they should be treated with respect.

Spanking, or corporal punishment, is the intentional use of physical pain to control a child's behavior. Spanking carries more of a social stigma today than it once did. Corporal punishment is banned in public schools in 31 states. As of 2015, corporal punishment is actually illegal in 30 countries. However in recent polls of American parents, up to 70 percent spanked their children.

Corporal punishment is an important moral issue, because it is widespread among Americans and in the developing world. But why are many parents willing to sanction behaviors towards children that they would never sanction towards adults? Why is there a double standard at play when it comes to hitting kids, who are the smallest and most dependent of people?

Many parents who were spanked as children believe that it is fine to spank kids because they themselves turned out ok. However this is a poor argument and a logical fallacy (appeal to tradition or common practice). Thanks to various academic studies, much more is known today about about the psychological and behavioral consequences of spanking than was known in the past, and none of it is good. Parents should carefully consider the case against spanking before deciding whether or not to spank their children as a form of discipline:

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Evil in the Hearts of Men: Pacifism and Ethics in Game of Thrones and A Song of Ice and Fire

4/3/2014

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HBO's acclaimed Game of Thrones is often regarded as being one of the best shows on television. In anticipation of the Season 4 premier this Sunday, I am focusing on the popular epic fantasy series which the show is based on, A Song of Ice and Fire, by George R. R. Martin.

The books are known for portraying an exceptionally violent rendition of life in the Middle Ages, to which many people ascribe the famous Hobbesian maxim, “Life is nasty, brutish, and short.” What may not be readily apparent to both readers and TV show viewers, is that there is strong evidence suggesting that Martin is in fact actually trying to convey a non-aggressive or pacifist message, more consistent with his own conscientious beliefs, than a cynical or Hobbesian perspective.

In creative writing, the gold standard is “show, don't tell.” Martin does this so well and so subtly, that many people are not even aware of the novel's pacifist themes. In fact, many readers assume the opposite. Both the novel and the TV show have often been criticized for being too violent. There is a good deal of rage, bloodshed, war, cruelty, death, tragedy, rape, incest, profanity and sex. On account of this fact, it's no wonder that some derive a cynical or “everyone is evil” mindset from the books and show. However, Martin has stated that he wants to make A Song of Ice and Fire realistic like the Middle Ages and real life. Some people tend to mistake this realism for proof of the novel's amorality, but it is not actually amoral.

Ironically, you don't often come to higher order understanding about non-aggression or ethics by refusing to address the fact that people are capable of aggressive and unethical acts, and that there are consequences to such actions. (Before you continue reading, please note that this essay contains mild book 1-3 spoilers, and Season 1-4 TV show spoilers.)

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What Everyone Needs to Know About Violence and Self-Defense

11/30/2013

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In my experience, many people do not have a well thought out position regarding interpersonal violence and self defense. The prevalent attitude seems to vary between two extremes; a naive type of pacifism on one hand, or a let's get em’ type of aggression on the other. Both positions are unreasonable in different ways.

This post provides a deeper examination of the ethics of violence and self defense.
I explain why neither pro-aggression positions or naive pacifist positions on the ethics of violence are ideal, and I posit a third approach, non-aggression, which I argue is the most ethical. When properly understood, non-aggression and forceful self-defense are not morally incompatible.

A corollary is that Most Westerners who believe in extreme pacifism when it comes to individual self defense do so naively. Very few people, even some thinkers credited with advocating for extreme pacifism for political purposes, actually believe in it on an individual level. A careful study reveals that Thoreau, and Martin Luther King, and at least one Buddhist sect, advocate individual self-defensive force as moral, necessary and courageous. Even Ghandi, who is not typically a reasonable pacifist, has moments where he admits to the necessity of self defense for individuals, particularly for those who aren't spiritually committed to self-immolation as he is.

This makes sense, of course, because the need for self defense will persist until everyone in the world non-aggressive. Therefore, the most pragmatic and ethical position is one of conscious non-initiation of violence, which at the same time does not preclude forceful self-defense if necessary.

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21 Traits of a Good Character

11/20/2013

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No one is born perfect. But the goods news is that we can all work to learn certain positive traits and behaviors that will improve our relationships, our happiness and our character. Cultivate this list of 21 personality traits that form the basis of a good character:

1. Generosity:

Generosity is the opposite of miserliness or cheapness. Generous people are giving towards others financially and interpersonally. Generous people are charitable. Charity is one of the five pillars of Islam, and is recognized as a virtue in Christianity an most other religions. When you think about generosity, money and material goods come to mind, but you can also be generous with your time, your friendship and your support of others. Generosity does not mean having no boundaries, being a pushover, or giving too much when you can't reasonably afford to do so.

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Basic, Common Sense Ethical Principles That you Need To Know

8/22/2013

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Ethics are really incredibly simple and uncomplicated. The key to happiness is living a life of personal integrity based on common sense ethics. A free will lives by rules that it gives to itself. Choosing a life of integrity has the overall effect of minimizing interpersonal and societal discord. If everyone tried their hardest to lead an ethical life, humanity would have far less problems than we have currently. Nearly every problem in human society is essentially a problem with the moral state of humanity.

Common sense ethics is my term for the straightforward understanding of shared ethical principles which humanity already has, that we have had for a long time. Common sense ethical principles are based on the lessons of daily living, as well as thousands of years of Eastern and Western philosophy, history and religion.

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Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Online Course and Book Review

War Is A Racket: A Few Profit, the Many Pay

What the Game of Thrones Ending Really Means

The Top 5 Reasons Political Independents Are Misunderstood

Solomon Kane: Must See Fantasy Flick About the Surprising Paradox of Nonviolence

6 Reasons Why It Is Wrong to Spank Kids - Number 4 May Shock You

Evil in the Hearts of Men: Pacifism and Ethics in Game of Thrones and A Song of Ice and Fire

What Everyone Needs to Know About Violence and Self-Defense

21 Traits of a Good Character

1. Generosity:

Basic, Common Sense Ethical Principles That you Need To Know

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Understanding and Applying Stoic Ethics In Modern Life:

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​Join the Stoic Parents Facebook Group:

Book of the Month: Journal Like a Stoic by Brittany Polat

Personal Growth Resources:

Follow Common Sense Ethics on Pinterest:

Join the Stoic Parents Facebook Group: