It has been far too long since I published a new post in the popular According to Cicero series. Life got complicated and other topics seemed more pressing.
Wait no longer my friends! This month's post focuses on Cicero’s rules for good conversation which are still quite helpful to us in our modern lives. In de Officiis (On Duty), written in 44 B.C. E., Cicero wrote “There are rules for oratory laid down by rhetoricians; there are none for conversation; and yet I do not know why there should not be.” To remedy this situation, Cicero elaborated on 7 rules that he believed should govern good conversation:
Wait no longer my friends! This month's post focuses on Cicero’s rules for good conversation which are still quite helpful to us in our modern lives. In de Officiis (On Duty), written in 44 B.C. E., Cicero wrote “There are rules for oratory laid down by rhetoricians; there are none for conversation; and yet I do not know why there should not be.” To remedy this situation, Cicero elaborated on 7 rules that he believed should govern good conversation:
1. A Well-mannered Person Should Not be too Verbose and Should Let Others Speak
Cicero thought that we should speak easily, but not too much, and that we should make sure to give other people their turn. After all, no one likes it when someone talks constantly. Conversation should be a dialog.
Giving other people their turn is courteous as Cicero points out. Listening well, however, goes beyond courtesy. Listening well to others isn’t always a skill that comes naturally to us, I find. Often, we aren’t really listening to the other person so much as thinking about what we will say in response. It is often better to sincerely listen to the other person’s concerns.
Giving other people their turn is courteous as Cicero points out. Listening well, however, goes beyond courtesy. Listening well to others isn’t always a skill that comes naturally to us, I find. Often, we aren’t really listening to the other person so much as thinking about what we will say in response. It is often better to sincerely listen to the other person’s concerns.
2. Show Gravity During Serious Conversations and Amusement With Humorous Topics
This is more or less what we tend to do naturally in conversation anyway. However, showing serious concern when discussing difficult topics goes along with number 1 above about learning to be a better listener. If someone is discussing a difficult topic, it’s best not to laugh or belittle their concerns.
3. Don’t Let a Conversation Reveal Your Character Flaws: Don’t Gossip!
It’s easy to let a conversation turn to gossip if there are awkward silences and you are anxiously searching for something to say. This is easily remedied by learning to accept natural pauses in conversation rather than compulsively talking about anything and everything. Gossip reflects poorly on your character, so it’s best not to make a habit of engaging in it, even at the expense if lapsing into silence from time to time.
4. Topics Should Focus on Private Affairs, Politics and the Theory and Practice of the Arts
Cicero thought that when conversation wanders, we should work to move the conversation back to these topics. Such subjects were likely of interest to Roman men of Cicero’s class and still likely make for interesting discourse today. I for one much prefer substantive conversation to small talk. But being able to engage in small talk is an important skill to master since it is often necessary.
5. Don’t Talk About Subjects Not of Interest to Others
Have you ever sat across from someone at dinner who spent the entire meal discussing golf even though you don’t play it? This is why Cicero advised sticking to subjects of common interest; it just isn’t enjoyable for others when you talk about something they don’t care about.
That said, in order to find common ground with people who you don’t know well, it is important to go out on a limb and bring up various topics. Just don’t keep talking about them if the other person doesn’t seem interested.
That said, in order to find common ground with people who you don’t know well, it is important to go out on a limb and bring up various topics. Just don’t keep talking about them if the other person doesn’t seem interested.
6. Learn How to End Conversations Tactfully
This one can be tough if you are speaking to someone who just won’t take a hint and wants to keep talking. Ending conversations tactfully is easy if you have certain phrases at hand such as, “It was so nice to meet you,” or “It was nice talking to you.”
7. Never Lose Your Temper or Speak in Anger
Easier said than done, I think, especially when talking to family or about intense subjects. Of course, Cicero is right however, that we often regret getting speaking in anger. One tip to avoid losing your temper in conversation is to count to ten before speaking.
Above all, Cicero thought that the art of conversation is a skill that can be mastered with practice. Cheerfulness, politeness and sticking to Cicero’ rules can go a long way towards having great conversations!
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Read Next:
How to be a Badass According to Cicero
5 Things That You Need to be Happy According to Cicero
Above all, Cicero thought that the art of conversation is a skill that can be mastered with practice. Cheerfulness, politeness and sticking to Cicero’ rules can go a long way towards having great conversations!
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Read Next:
How to be a Badass According to Cicero
5 Things That You Need to be Happy According to Cicero
