The 13 Types of Modern Stoics...Which One are You?

I'm happy to publish this guest post on the modern Stoic Renaissance by Piotr Stankiewicz, Ph.D., an author and teacher affiliated with the University of Warsaw. He authored a bestselling Polish handbook on Stoicism (“Sztuka życia według stoików”) which he is working on making available in English. He advances Stoic and non-Stoic agendas in his native Polish. 

*Update 2022: Since this post was published 5 years ago, there have been numerous comments on it. I would like to make very clear that first, the author is himself a modern Stoic, and second, that he intended this post to be somewhat humorous. You may love it or hate it, but do understand that this post is not supposed to be solemn and serious: 

The problem of how Stoicism can be applied to contemporary life is not an easy one - there is no wide consensus. The question marks are plenty and easy solutions are nowhere to be found. People explore the Stoic possibilities of the 21st century in a plethora of ways and we can run into a great many types of modern Stoics out there. Thus, here is a travel companion, a short list of fellow Stoics. It’s by no means exhaustive, since I was only able to describe the paths I’ve travelled myself. And this allows a bit of (nonstoic?) exaggeration and humor – since it’s all on no one else but me.
 
So, what types of modern Stoics do we have?

1. The Orthodox

The orthodox believes that ancient Stoicism can be copied verbatim and applied as is. Ideological purity is the prime value for the Orthodox, even if it comes at a price of pretending that the world hasn’t changed over the last two millennia. The Orthodox has a firm belief in the literal sense of what our ancient predecessors wrote and she somehow manages to not see that their precepts frequently contradict each other. The Orthodox uses Greek or Latin words often, she doesn’t refrain from dropping a line about “Zeus’s will” and she sometimes jokes about a toga dress-code for the gatherings of modern Stoics.
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2. The Drill Stoic

The Drill Stoic is particularly drawn to all the military metaphors in Stoicism. For him, the life is indeed one great battlefield, and whatever ain’t combat – it’s preparation for combat. He likes tough approach, waking up at 4.30 AM, the highly demanding routines. He always stays sharp and vigilant, he chooses the arduous path. The softer, more elusive aspects of human experience he sees as weakness that shouldn’t be tolerated in the perennial boot-camp of Stoicism. 
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3. The Technophobe

Technophobes believe that a modern Stoic should – to the extent possible – refrain from using high technology. She claims that technological development disrupts our tranquility, that it makes our time volatile and chaotic, and, all told, that it’s the chief obstacle on our way to undisturbed life. In particular, the Technophobe is very skeptical of social media. From her point of view, a Stoic on Snapchat is a contradiction in terms and there is no way in which using Facebook could contribute to moral progress. The Technophobe perceives new media as indelibly “shallow,” she claims that technology makes us “crazy” and that the world spins too fast these days. 
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4. The Scrutinizer

The Scritinizer hopes to find the ultimate and binding answers about the Stoic life in very concrete, cherry-picked passages from Epictetus, Seneca and Marcus Aurelius. The Scrutinizer loves to get down to specific words and even syllables, he believes that the answer must be in there, under the surface of language. He doesn’t shy away from spending weeks of time and pages of print elaborating on a single phrase from an ancient author. The deeper he digs, the better a Stoic he becomes. In his view at least.
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5. The First World Problemer

The First World Problemer ​wants us to compare ourselves to other people in a way which is ethically responsible...seemingly. He wants us to keep our problems in perspective. He believes that there is a firm and objective scale against which human suffering and misery can be measured. Your beloved pet dog dies? You shouldn’t be concerned about that. Objectively it means nothing. Thousands of people lose their loved ones every day. You lost your job? It’s not a tragedy at all. Just remember that scores of people lose their homes and all possessions in the Syrian conflict. Whatever happens to you, thousands have it worse. Truth be told, fate is actually very kind to you.
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6. The Conservative

The Conservative thinks that Stoicism bans any attempts to change the world. It follows that everything is OK with this world of ours and that there is neither need, nor possibility for altering anything. Fate and destiny are the concepts that the Conservative holds particularly dear. Everything is predetermined for determined for us humans, and for the world too. The Conservative comes, basically, in two sub‑types types. There is the political conservative, in whose reading of Stoicism the emancipation of slaves or redistribution of wealth are impious acts. They violate the sacred, natural and pre-determined order of the world, don’t they? On the other hand, there is the private Conservative. She translates Stoic determinism into private sentiment that she can’t shape their own future. Fate is sealed, so there is no need to take our future into our own hands. Such a Conservative settles easily for a coach-potato life of low achievement, clicktivism and general mediocrity.
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7. The Ascetic 

Ascetics confuse Stoicism with heavy-duty asceticism. The Ascetic thinks that a Stoic progressor must impose a very harsh treatment upon himself, follow a crude and simple diet, abstain from alcohol, sex, and all fun and games. In his view, the Stoic way of life means abandoning all the ordinary joys. Importantly, the Ascetic thinks that all this is not only prerequisite but also sufficient to become a Stoic. He equates Stoicism to asceticism; there is nothing more in Stoicism than austere monk‑like treatment of the self.
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8. Dilbert the Stoic

​Dilbert the Stoic has a very specific motivation to take on Stoicism. For her, it’s mainly a remedy to the craziness of life and, in particular, a remedy to corporate culture, workaholism and office politics. It’s primarily the way to hold her own against the dullness of the 9-5 life. It’s the attempt to not let her “true self” get buried under the chores and monotony of daily doldrums. Dilbert the Stoic has always thought that there is more to her life than just running Excel spreadsheets. And she hopes that with Stoicism, she has a good shot to grasp that “more.”
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9. The Naturalist

Naturalists are focused on the “follow nature” part of Stoicism. He believes that the appeal to nature is the heart and core of Stoicism, and he – usually – holds that nature is to a degree divine.  All the answers and solutions can be found in it. In particular, if we want to learn how to be a Stoic in the 21st century, we need nothing more than just search deep enough into the idea of “living consistently with nature.” One special sub-type of the Naturalist is an Environmentalist who translates Stoic “nature” into the language of modern ecology and sustainability. The Environmentalist infers from Stoic naturalism an obligation to recycle and to ride a bike instead of a car. Another distinct sub-type is the Escapist, who interprets the Stoic views on nature as a literal call for abandoning civilization and living off the grid, cabin in the woods, #Walden.
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10. The Vanitist

The Vanitist is particularly drawn to what Marcus Aurelius writes on transience of things, reading him much along the lines of Ecclesiastes. She loves the full-on cosmic perspective, she enjoys pondering how insignificant we are in the spatiotemporal scale of the universe. The greatest solace for her is that all personal matters (and all human matters), are, basically, trifles if compared to the greater scheme of things. After all, we will all be dead soon anyway. So, what’s to be concerned about? You significant other passes? No worries. It changes nothing for the universe and it doesn’t alter an inch the relentless course of nature. You got happily married? Don’t get yourself over the moon. In the face of the gulf of oblivion ahead of us – your married days mean nothing. They are just a bit of flickering light. And all your worries are a speck of dust too. 
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11. The Dogmatist

Dogmatists have never liked the multifarious Stoic tradition of various threads and conflicting interpretations. Contradiction is always painful to the Dogmatist and the divergence of interpretations seems like a little intellectual scandal to her. The Dogmatist loves to adhere to a fixed codex and her tolerance for deviation is slim to none. Leeway is not really her thing. She maintains that there isn’t really much to debate about Stoicism. The rules are there in plain sight and we just need to follow them.
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12. The Ecclectic

Eclectics don't see much difference between Stoicism, yoga, mindfulness and slow food. They are basically the same for her, or, at least, they all address the same question: how to live well in the fast-paced modern world. The Eclectic absorbs the same message from all the guidebooks, although she admits that they use different lexicons. Truth be told, the Eclectic is not really interested in trying to figure out what Stoicism – or anything else for that matter – is about. The Eclectic is interested in living a good life and whatever works to that end – it’s fine for her. If it so happens that she uses Stoicism to frame her life – then so be it. 
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13. The One We Hope For

​This modern Stoic knows that there has never been one “true” interpretation of Stoicism. She also thinks that the whole point is not really about trying to hammer out one. She realizes that Stoicism has never been a hermetic church with dogmas set in stone, but acknowledges that the challenges of our time are quite extraordinary and need to be taken up. The One We Hope For realizes that shortcomings are inevitable and that pitfalls on the Stoic paths are hard to avoid. She thinks that the previous dozen Stoics are not really mistaken but rather that they paved the way for us. They allow us to better understand what modern Stoicism is like. The One We Hope For knows that the goal is to not let us get stuck in one of the previous positions, but to march forward, carrying the Stoic message for the times ahead.


Quote Source: Eductating The Stoic Warrior, Nancy Sherman

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