Recently I was posting on a debate forum that I frequent, when another poster asked me if I read Spanish. (I don’t but I’m working on reading Latin). The person’s question really hit home for me, because I realized that by spending time posting on a forum, I was neglecting goals that are more important to me, like learning Latin.
We all do trivial things which take up our time unnecessarily, deplete our energy, steal our focus, or detract from our relationships with loved ones. Wasting time is just one of many behaviors that lead to unhappiness in the long run, when we fail to achieve our goals, or regret the things that we didn’t do. Instead, we should be cultivating these 7 intentional behaviors, which contribute to lasting happiness:
We all do trivial things which take up our time unnecessarily, deplete our energy, steal our focus, or detract from our relationships with loved ones. Wasting time is just one of many behaviors that lead to unhappiness in the long run, when we fail to achieve our goals, or regret the things that we didn’t do. Instead, we should be cultivating these 7 intentional behaviors, which contribute to lasting happiness:
1. Learn From Your Mistakes
Failures and mistakes are ok, as long as you learn from them. You fell in love with the wrong person? It happens. You failed to achieve an important goal? Everyone who succeeds fails first. You made the wrong choice regarding an important decision? At least you came away from the experience more knowledgeable than when you started.
Don’t be afraid of making mistakes. Be afraid of repeating the same mistakes over and over again. When you make a mistake or something goes wrong in your life, ask yourself, what can I learn from this? What does this situation have to teach me?
Don’t be afraid of making mistakes. Be afraid of repeating the same mistakes over and over again. When you make a mistake or something goes wrong in your life, ask yourself, what can I learn from this? What does this situation have to teach me?
2. Build Your Own Culture
It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the constant stream of information and pageantry constantly bombarding us in modern society. The entertainment industry in particular is set up for the purpose of consumerism and social engineering; it makes us want to buy certain things, achieve a certain standard of living, or be a certain way. Like Terrance McKenna said, “Culture is not your friend. Culture is for other people’s convenience and the convenience of various institutions, churches, companies, tax collection schemes, what have you. Culture insults you. It uses and abuses you. None of us are treated well by culture.”
Instead of following what is hip, popular, or prevalent, ignore that, and build your own culture of beauty and meaning, based on your own values. Focus on what YOU find meaningful, not on what other people do. You don’t need to be wedded to pop culture, advertising, fashion, celebrities and entertainment, none of which exist to make you happy. They represent a biased, one directional flow of information which says nothing about who you truly are or what your life should be like.
Instead of following what is hip, popular, or prevalent, ignore that, and build your own culture of beauty and meaning, based on your own values. Focus on what YOU find meaningful, not on what other people do. You don’t need to be wedded to pop culture, advertising, fashion, celebrities and entertainment, none of which exist to make you happy. They represent a biased, one directional flow of information which says nothing about who you truly are or what your life should be like.
3. Make The Best Use of Your Time
Recently, I watched a video where the fantasy author, George R.R. Martin, was talking about writing projects that he would like to eventually complete. Martin is 65, and although he hopes to be able to achieve some of his longer-term objectives, he admitted that “Life is short.”
This statement is both a warning, and an admission of truth. We don’t always accomplish what we want to accomplish, no matter how successful we are. In light of the fact that time is limited, ask yourself what matters most to you, and do it. Set priorities, and do what you can now. Cut things out of your life which are merely wasting your time while providing no long-term value. What will you regret doing or not doing at the end of your life? Knowing the answer to that question will give your life purpose, and guide your actions today.
This statement is both a warning, and an admission of truth. We don’t always accomplish what we want to accomplish, no matter how successful we are. In light of the fact that time is limited, ask yourself what matters most to you, and do it. Set priorities, and do what you can now. Cut things out of your life which are merely wasting your time while providing no long-term value. What will you regret doing or not doing at the end of your life? Knowing the answer to that question will give your life purpose, and guide your actions today.
4. Be Radically Honest With Yourself
There is no denying it; being honest with yourself about your own flaws and weaknesses is hard to do. But extreme honesty about your own behavior, choices and shortcomings, is completely necessary for you to grow as a person. You need to be radically honest about how your own attitudes and behaviors may be causing problems in your life. A good way to start being radically honest, is by examining and accepting your own negative or shadow traits. If you aren’t even honest with yourself, how can you be honest about who you are with anyone else?
“Anything outside yourself, this you can see and apply your logic to it. But it’s a human trait that when we encounter personal problems, these things most deeply personal are the most difficult to bring out for our logic to scan. We tend to flounder around, blaming everything but the actual, deep-seated thing that’s really chewing on us.” ― Frank Herbert, Dune
“Anything outside yourself, this you can see and apply your logic to it. But it’s a human trait that when we encounter personal problems, these things most deeply personal are the most difficult to bring out for our logic to scan. We tend to flounder around, blaming everything but the actual, deep-seated thing that’s really chewing on us.” ― Frank Herbert, Dune
5. Be Grateful
According to psychological research, expressing gratitude actually increases your happiness. Unhappiness grows in the gap between what you have, and what you think you should have. Remember number 2, about building your own culture? You don’t need to compete with others or feel inadequate if you don’t reach a certain level of success (as defined by someone else). Decide what a successful life looks like for you, and be grateful for what you already have. Gratitude turns what you have today into enough.
“We must place our happiness in what we are, not in what we desire; man must seek his happiness, and find it in himself.” – Frithjof Schuon.
“We must place our happiness in what we are, not in what we desire; man must seek his happiness, and find it in himself.” – Frithjof Schuon.
6. Focus on the Present Moment
Both Stoic and Buddhist philosophers agree that focusing your awareness on the present moment enhances happiness. There is no point worrying about the future, or stressing out over the past. Be here now. Focusing on what you are doing helps to prevent accidents. If you are driving, concentrate on driving. If you are talking to someone, listen carefully to what they are saying. If you find your mind wandering, forcefully bring it back to what you are doing in the present moment.
There is no point in focusing on embarrassments or failures that happened long ago. It’s normal to feel pain over past events, such as your own bad decisions or being hurt by others. But victim-hood does nothing except keep you trapped in a perpetually disempowered and unhappy state. You can work through past experiences using an introspective process if negative past events are still affecting you today, but don’t get stuck on the past. The point is to learn, accept, and move on.
There is no point in focusing on embarrassments or failures that happened long ago. It’s normal to feel pain over past events, such as your own bad decisions or being hurt by others. But victim-hood does nothing except keep you trapped in a perpetually disempowered and unhappy state. You can work through past experiences using an introspective process if negative past events are still affecting you today, but don’t get stuck on the past. The point is to learn, accept, and move on.
7. Spend Time With Happy People
The happiest people have a network of supportive family and friends. In good relationships, interactions are mostly positive. Bad relationships, however, are filled with unnecessary drama, arguments, and negativity. Choose to spend time with people that make you laugh and feel good about yourself. If problems arise in your relationships, be solution oriented rather than blaming the other person. Be kind, but straightforward. This is where number 4, radical honesty, comes in to play. If you are actually causing problems in a particular relationship, you need be honest enough to recognize it, and work to change your own behavior.
You must learn to be a happy person and a good companion yourself. Nobody likes to be around a perpetually negative person. Socrates said, “Know thyself.” When you truly know your own personality, tendencies and weaknesses, you’ll be able to see things more objectively. You’ll know when a person is simply incompatible with you, when a relationship is too negative to maintain despite efforts to change it, and when you should move on. You’ll know what makes you happy, and you will work to create a life that enhances your happiness.
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Related Posts:
The Secret to Happiness: Stoic Gratitude and the Art of Living
The Shadow: How Introspection Can Teach You Everything You Need to Know About Yourself
You must learn to be a happy person and a good companion yourself. Nobody likes to be around a perpetually negative person. Socrates said, “Know thyself.” When you truly know your own personality, tendencies and weaknesses, you’ll be able to see things more objectively. You’ll know when a person is simply incompatible with you, when a relationship is too negative to maintain despite efforts to change it, and when you should move on. You’ll know what makes you happy, and you will work to create a life that enhances your happiness.
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Related Posts:
The Secret to Happiness: Stoic Gratitude and the Art of Living
The Shadow: How Introspection Can Teach You Everything You Need to Know About Yourself
