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Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Online Course and Book Review

2/28/2023

I just finished taking an in-depth 12 week parenting course, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, that I have really benefited from, and I'd like to share more about it with you. Laura Markham, PhD, is a clinical psychologist, and founder of the Aha! Parenting website, based her approach "Peaceful Parenting." As a longtime reader of Dr. Laura's website, I'm very excited to be able to review both the course and Dr. Laura's book!

The Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids course teaches parents to coach and connect with their children while better regulating their own (parental) emotions. Both course and book provide many strategies on how to have a more positive, cooperative relationship with your children. The course offers detailed strategies and information, plus weekly audio lectures, daily meditations to help rewire your brain, and homework. Interestingly, this parenting philosophy is very compatible with Stoicism, which also seeks better emotional regulation.

In this post, I've written a full review of the course including key concepts, who will benefit from it, plus benefits and drawbacks of this parenting approach. If you're interested, but not enough to commit to a 12 week course, the key concepts are all addressed in Dr. Laura's book, Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting available on Amazon.*

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The Most Powerful Tool For Living Your Best Life

6/20/2018

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Right now is an amazing time to be alive; not least because because we have instant access to so many helpful resources to achieve the goal of living a good life - books, blogs, videos, digital downloads - the possibilities for learning and personal growth are endless.

My friend Jonas Salzgeber recently commented on the phenomenon where we take the time to learn things that will improve our lives, yet fail to properly apply them. In my experience, a major obstacle to putting what we have learned into practice is information overload and it's accompanying disorganization (not just the force of old habit or the lack of will to change - although these are major obstacles too!) Without proper organization and memorization, what sticks in our head after reading a good book or watching an interesting video is piecemeal. It's a matter of chance whether we remember and apply it, despite our best intentions.

The ancient schools of philosophy had their own solution to this problem - handbooks. These were collections of useful and powerful phrases that the students memorized and kept close "at hand," for when they were most needed - in instances of challenge, stress, or trouble. As we'll see, the handbook is the most powerful tool in our arsenal for growth - both an organizational aid for our hectic lives, and a method for directly improving our habits and thinking.

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How Can We Overcome Our Biases?

4/4/2018

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Why is it so hard to for us the change our beliefs or to get other people to change their minds? A new documentary film Right Between Your Ears, examines the science and psychology of how people form convictions. According to producer Kris De Meyer, a neuroscientist, certain aspects of human psychology make it very hard for us to be objective or unbiased.

People usually form beliefs by accepting what they've been told by someone they trust: parents, teachers, media and so on. Our beliefs can change when we learn new things. But when we become convinced of something, it is similar to a religious belief in the way our brain operates. We may react with anger when challenged. This human tendency often leads us to seek out information which confirms what we already believe and ignore everything else - it's a cognitive bias actually - called confirmation bias.

It seems obvious why confirmation bias can be a problem - it can prevent us making good decisions. It makes us rigid thinkers. Someone can easily fool us by simply appealing to our established belief systems. The good news is that there are some practical strategies to overcome this natural human shortsightedness that I'll let you in on at the end of the post.

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The Revolution Inside

1/7/2017

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Peace and justice are two goals which the politically inclined often seek, but they are simultaneously inner qualities which a philosophical person must posses, not just external conditions which we would like to see in the world. If we want to see the world change we must first concern ourselves with healing our own lives.

In Xenophon's Memoirs of Socrates, Hippias tells Socrates that instead of always asking questions about justice, he would do better simply to say, once and for all, what justice is. Socrates replies: "If I don't reveal my views on justice in words, I do so by my conduct." A modern parallel to Socrates' statement can be found in Martin Luther King's quote, "Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek, but a means by which we arrive at that goal.”

What Socrates wanted to show is that we can never understand justice if we do not live it. King similarly noted that we won't achieve peace through our actions if outwardly we are irrationally angry and inwardly we are a mess of anxiety and nuerosis. We can't expect the world to give us better than we give the world.

In antiquity, philosophy was a way of life akin to therapy or care of the soul. Socrates, the Cynics, Aristotle, the Epicureans and the Stoics all stressed that we can achieve autarkia, or inner freedom independent of external events.[1] Autarkia is a self-sufficiency and peace of mind where we feel that we lack nothing, relying on our inner resources. To be liberated, we must turn our attention to the revolution within and to what we can control; our thoughts, emotions, and actions. In order to obtain autarkia or inner freedom, we must train ourselves for it.

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Quick Guide: Applying Stoic Ethics in Modern Life

5/1/2014

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This week's post is a new resource. This quick, illustrated guide provides an overview of ancient Stoic wisdom and an introduction to the Stoic point of view on ethics and personal growth. Classical Stoics used an applied philosophical technique, loosely known as Stoic Reflective Practice, with the goal of developing an excellent and virtuous character. The info-graphic explains what Stoic ethical philosophy is about, and why it is relevant in modern life.

The four Stoic virtues consist of courage, moderation, justice and wisdom. The Stoic emphasis on moderation or appetites and control of the emotions, is somewhat similar to Buddhist philosophy. Both enjoy a growing appeal with western audiences.

Stoics do not consider philosophy to be to be something intellectual or separate from life. Philosophy, or love of wisdom, is very much an applied art that the practitioner works on each day, using techniques like Stoic Reflective Practice. Stoics focus on self-improvement each night by ruminating on what they could have done better, and using it as motivation to improve their personal conduct.

This guide is a brief introduction to the topic. Please check back soon for more posts about Stoic ethics and personal growth!

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The Secret to Happiness: Stoic Gratitude and the Art of Living

1/23/2014

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Did you know that research in the field of positive psychology indicates that your level of happiness is at least 40 percent dependent on intentional activities within your control? With practice, you can significantly improve your overall happiness, even if your natural state is one of pessimism. You can work towards maximum stability and happiness in your life by practicing gratitude and the Stoic Art of Living.

Positive psychology focuses on the wellness and happiness aspects of mental health, rather than on mental illness alone. According to Dr. Robert Emmon's book, How Practicing Gratitude Can Make You Happier, psychological research shows that your “happiness quotient,” is about 50 percent dependent on a genetic set-point that you are born with. Some people are naturally more optimistic than others as a result of their set-point. An additional 10 percent of your happiness quotient is determined by external factors and circumstances in your life.

However, the other 40 percent of your happiness quotient is completely within your control, regardless of your genetic set point or external factors. Intentional happiness practices include taking time to count your blessings, displaying positive character traits such as friendliness and kindness, focusing on the present moment, and by keeping a daily gratitude journal where you express joy for all of the good things that happened to you that day.

Interestingly, this is not new information. The Stoic School of philosophy advocated a very similar perspective beginning 2400 years ago in ancient Greece. Many Stoic philosophers, including Zeno, Seneca, Epictetus, and Marcus Aurelius, developed a practical philosophy for increasing happiness and virtue, which they called The Art of Living.

Stoicism is way of life involving constant practice and introspective training, not just a set of philosophical beliefs. Stoics try to live happily and gratefully, regardless of external good fortune. They also aim to take control of their own inner natures, to know themselves, and to root out their destructive emotions in the pursuit of virtue, using a process of introspection or spiritual exercises loosely refered to as Stoic reflective practice.

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How to Stay Calm and When You Are Angry

8/23/2013

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Staying calm when I am angry is something that I have always struggled with. The Stoics philosophers of ancient Greece and Rome believed that destructive emotions should not be tolerated in a person of integrity, so it is up to us to work past them.
Staying calm when you feel angry is a mental game that you can master.

Being able to stay calm and assertive regardless of your emotional state protects your character, and is a huge benefit to you in all types of interpersonal communication. When you stay in control, you will not allow yourself to do or say hurtful things which you later regret. And even if someone becomes angry at you, if you stay calm, you can learn to respond appropriately and ethically even under stress.

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Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Online Course and Book Review

The Most Powerful Tool For Living Your Best Life

How Can We Overcome Our Biases?

The Revolution Inside

Quick Guide: Applying Stoic Ethics in Modern Life

The Secret to Happiness: Stoic Gratitude and the Art of Living

How to Stay Calm and When You Are Angry

Growing in Goodness

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