I have something a bit different for you this month. October will feature a series of 5 guest posts, run on back to back days. Topics include grieving, the impact of AI on critical thinking, finding a career that aligns with your values, raising a resilient family, and how to find work in the helping professions while avoiding burn out. I hope you enjoy this diverse series of posts! Here is is the first:
Mourning is a universal human experience, yet no two people walk through it in the same way. For some, grief is immediate and raw, while for others it emerges in fragments over weeks, months, or even years. Rather than a straight road, mourning is a landscape filled with detours, moments of clarity, and unexpected returns to sorrow.
Some are present at the moment life ends, while others hear about it from afar. Some must continue providing professional care even while carrying their own unresolved grief. One thing is clear: grief can be overwhelmingly hard for some to bear.
Studies have found that one-third of adults aged 40 and older reported experiencing severe grief. Moreover, the APA notes that between 4% and 15% of bereaved adults will experience grief persistently. The better we understand death and dying, the greater our chances of coping better. Let’s explore further.
Mourning is a universal human experience, yet no two people walk through it in the same way. For some, grief is immediate and raw, while for others it emerges in fragments over weeks, months, or even years. Rather than a straight road, mourning is a landscape filled with detours, moments of clarity, and unexpected returns to sorrow.
Some are present at the moment life ends, while others hear about it from afar. Some must continue providing professional care even while carrying their own unresolved grief. One thing is clear: grief can be overwhelmingly hard for some to bear.
Studies have found that one-third of adults aged 40 and older reported experiencing severe grief. Moreover, the APA notes that between 4% and 15% of bereaved adults will experience grief persistently. The better we understand death and dying, the greater our chances of coping better. Let’s explore further.
Being Present at Death Impacts Grief
There is a unique kind of mourning that comes from being present during a death. The sight of a final breath or a desperate attempt at resuscitation leaves behind images that are hard to erase.
Recent research on those who witnessed cardiac arrests has shown that the memory of such events can echo for weeks, often producing intrusive thoughts and heightened distress.
The mind replays small details, and people often find themselves asking if something more could have been done. Researchers who interviewed family members who witnessed the death of their loved ones have key insights in this regard.
For instance, persistent trauma was highlighted by studies that show how some find it difficult to escape certain triggers. “I can’t unsee him lying in my kitchen,” explains one individual who witnessed a loved one’s cardiac arrest. The impact of witnessing death was so great for this person that they had to avoid walking into that spot.
So, while mourning is often seen as a way to process death, anecdotes like these show that the healing is rarely full or complete.
Recent research on those who witnessed cardiac arrests has shown that the memory of such events can echo for weeks, often producing intrusive thoughts and heightened distress.
The mind replays small details, and people often find themselves asking if something more could have been done. Researchers who interviewed family members who witnessed the death of their loved ones have key insights in this regard.
For instance, persistent trauma was highlighted by studies that show how some find it difficult to escape certain triggers. “I can’t unsee him lying in my kitchen,” explains one individual who witnessed a loved one’s cardiac arrest. The impact of witnessing death was so great for this person that they had to avoid walking into that spot.
So, while mourning is often seen as a way to process death, anecdotes like these show that the healing is rarely full or complete.
What About Professionals? Are They Impacted?
Grief is not confined to families and friends of the deceased. It also profoundly affects those in professional roles who encounter death regularly. In one study of resident physicians, 72% of them had witnessed their first patient death during medical school. 56% of them witnessed it in their first year.
The study indicated that this was correlated with cognitive overload, emotional instability, and reduced empathy. Some described defensive detachment as a coping strategy that they had to use.
Likewise, hospice care is another area where professionals have to personally assist patients in the last moments of their lives. This can be overwhelming given the stress they already face.
Many of the nurses providing that support are balancing demanding full-time roles while advancing their training. These include pursuing courses like an AGACNP online program, which allows them to keep caring for patients even as they continue their studies.
It’s a hard grind, but as Rockhurst University notes, individuals with Adult-Gerontology Acute Care Nurse Practitioner (AGACNP) degrees play a crucial role in helping patients and their families during the end-of-life journey. Just like physicians, it’s possible that nurses, too, have to resort to their own ways of coping with witnessing death.
The study indicated that this was correlated with cognitive overload, emotional instability, and reduced empathy. Some described defensive detachment as a coping strategy that they had to use.
Likewise, hospice care is another area where professionals have to personally assist patients in the last moments of their lives. This can be overwhelming given the stress they already face.
Many of the nurses providing that support are balancing demanding full-time roles while advancing their training. These include pursuing courses like an AGACNP online program, which allows them to keep caring for patients even as they continue their studies.
It’s a hard grind, but as Rockhurst University notes, individuals with Adult-Gerontology Acute Care Nurse Practitioner (AGACNP) degrees play a crucial role in helping patients and their families during the end-of-life journey. Just like physicians, it’s possible that nurses, too, have to resort to their own ways of coping with witnessing death.
Is Integrating Grief the Only Remedy?
While every person processes grief differently, some methods, like suppressing and avoiding thoughts and memories, aren’t always helpful. There’s only so much one can do to avoid triggers and escape the reality of the loss. This is why so many cultures throughout the world have focused on integration as a means to cope.
Storytelling, journaling, or simply sharing memories in conversation can be of massive help in true healing. Naturally, a community is critical for this to work.
For professionals, structured debriefings and peer supervision provide spaces to process without judgment. Therapy, particularly trauma-informed approaches, is often useful when grief is entangled with intrusive memories or guilt. Likewise, regardless of religion, death often increases people’s awareness of spirituality.
According to the Pew Research Center, more than half (53%) of American adults say they've been visited by a dead family member in a dream. Likewise, 34% claimed they’ve felt the presence of a dead relative, and 44% had some experience with a passed relative in the past year. This remains relatively consistent with the religiously unaffiliated, of which 48% claimed to have had similar experiences.
Thus, dream encounters, talking about them with friends and family, and carrying on their legacy seem to be the most effective coping mechanisms out there.
Storytelling, journaling, or simply sharing memories in conversation can be of massive help in true healing. Naturally, a community is critical for this to work.
For professionals, structured debriefings and peer supervision provide spaces to process without judgment. Therapy, particularly trauma-informed approaches, is often useful when grief is entangled with intrusive memories or guilt. Likewise, regardless of religion, death often increases people’s awareness of spirituality.
According to the Pew Research Center, more than half (53%) of American adults say they've been visited by a dead family member in a dream. Likewise, 34% claimed they’ve felt the presence of a dead relative, and 44% had some experience with a passed relative in the past year. This remains relatively consistent with the religiously unaffiliated, of which 48% claimed to have had similar experiences.
Thus, dream encounters, talking about them with friends and family, and carrying on their legacy seem to be the most effective coping mechanisms out there.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What is the pain of grief?The pain of grief feels like a mix of emotional heaviness and physical exhaustion. It can show up as a lump in your throat, a foggy mind, or an ache in your chest. It’s your body and heart reacting to deep loss.
2. What happens to your brain during grief?During grief, your brain is flooded with stress hormones like cortisol, which can affect memory, sleep, and focus. Emotional centers, especially the amygdala, become highly active, while rational areas like the prefrontal cortex are dampened. This creates emotional intensity, intrusive thoughts, and difficulty concentrating.
3. What not to do while grieving?Don’t pressure yourself to “get over it” quickly or compare your healing pace to others. Avoid numbing the pain with unhealthy distractions like constant drinking or overwork. Grief needs space, patience, and honesty. Ignoring it often makes it harder in the long run.
Ultimately, grief bends time, reshapes memory, and often lingers long after the world expects it to pass. The path through it isn’t a matter of “getting over” anything but of learning how to live alongside absence.
In the end, mourning reminds us of the ties that once held meaning. Some fear that these ties vanish, but in reality, they simply change form. In that transformation, people can find the strength to keep moving forward, not away from loss, but with it.
~
Read Next:
7 Common End-of-Life Regrets to Avoid
4 Life Lessons We Can Learn From the Cynic Philosophers
Why Rushing through Life Makes You Less Likely to Help Others
2. What happens to your brain during grief?During grief, your brain is flooded with stress hormones like cortisol, which can affect memory, sleep, and focus. Emotional centers, especially the amygdala, become highly active, while rational areas like the prefrontal cortex are dampened. This creates emotional intensity, intrusive thoughts, and difficulty concentrating.
3. What not to do while grieving?Don’t pressure yourself to “get over it” quickly or compare your healing pace to others. Avoid numbing the pain with unhealthy distractions like constant drinking or overwork. Grief needs space, patience, and honesty. Ignoring it often makes it harder in the long run.
Ultimately, grief bends time, reshapes memory, and often lingers long after the world expects it to pass. The path through it isn’t a matter of “getting over” anything but of learning how to live alongside absence.
In the end, mourning reminds us of the ties that once held meaning. Some fear that these ties vanish, but in reality, they simply change form. In that transformation, people can find the strength to keep moving forward, not away from loss, but with it.
~
Read Next:
7 Common End-of-Life Regrets to Avoid
4 Life Lessons We Can Learn From the Cynic Philosophers
Why Rushing through Life Makes You Less Likely to Help Others
