Category: Family

Tranquility Parenting - Stoicism for Parents - Book Review & Video

3/31/2019

Tranquility Parenting: A Guide to Staying Calm, Mindful and Engaged, a just released book by Brittany Polat, offers lots of practical help and straightforward ways to overcome parenting challenges by implementing principles from Stoic philosophy within the family. I've been using some of the thoughtful techniques from the book already.

Her mantra for helping kids and parents deal with frustrations is "Don't get upset, just solve the problem." I think this is excellent advice for parents. Brittany expands on this by helping us to re-frame our value judgments in Stoic context. For example, rather than thinking "My kids are fighting, I can't believe I have to deal with this again," we should just drop the value judgement at the end of the sentence.

When we look at the situation in a factually oriented way, we think the same thing, "My kids are fighting," but minus the negativity. Then we are better able to deal calmly with the problem at hand. With practice, we can implement this advice over and over to make our lives as parents easier...

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Parents! Cut Yourselves a Break

2/16/2019

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Welcome Holly Hamilton-Bleakley, a philosophy professor and mother of six, to my YouTube channel! Holly is the author of the wonderful blog, Philosophy For Parents.
Here she shares wisdom gleaned from 20 years of motherhood and her extensive knowledge of philosophy.

We discuss:

The difficulty of becoming a parent for the first time.
How to best handle the challenges of parenthood.
The strengths and virtues necessary for being a good parent.
How to slow down and cut yourself a break when you have little kids.
Dealing with the feelings of impermanence that parenting brings.
How the issue of raising children is ignored by most Western philosophers, and more.

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Fearless Parent: How to Raise Kids Using Stoic Philosophy

8/12/2018

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Wondering how to be less stressed as a parent? Stoicism is an ancient Greek philosophy that teaches us how to focus on what we can control in life. Brittany Polat of Apparent Stoic and I discuss how to apply Stoic philosophy to parenting, and how it can make both parents and kids happier.

We discuss:

Overcoming worry and parenting anxiety. Not worrying about what other people think of how you raise your children.
US culture being oriented towards adult lifestyles and careers and not very child friendly.
Thinking that you can control everything and being goal oriented does not work with kids because while you can influence them, you can't control what they do.
You will be happier as a parent/family if you focus on what you can control - the environment, how you respond, getting prepared in advance, etc.
The Golden Rule and other ways to teach kids the value of kindness.

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The Secret to Building A Close Family

4/30/2018

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This post by Annie Holmquist was first published at Intellectual Takeout. I included it here because of my focus on creating an intentional family culture:

It’s no secret how important good reading ability is. With only one-third of American school children reading at a proficient level, a student who not only reads but understands a book has a clear advantage over the rest of his peers.

It is for this reason that many engaged parents follow the 1862 exhortation of Henry Ward Beecher and surround their children with books:

“No man has a right to bring up his children without surrounding them with books, if he has the means to buy them. It is a wrong to his family. He cheats them! Children learn to read by being in the presence of books. The love of knowledge comes with reading and grows upon it. And the love of knowledge, in a young mind, is almost a warrant against the inferior excitement of passions and vices.”

But while simply surrounding children with good books is a great start, we all know that the knowledge of books is not imparted through osmosis. The books have to be first ingested and then digested in order to produce students who are well-rounded thinkers.

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9 Great Critical Thinking Books for Children and Teens

3/5/2018

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Recently, a reader commented on my post How To Get Rid of the Need to Be Right asking for recommendations on critical thinking books for kids. Given my three roles as a children's librarian, amateur philosopher, and parent, I thought I should write up a helpful post on the subject.

Critical thinking seems to be a buzzword when used in the context of contemporary education, yet the skill is sorely lacking in society at large. Poor reasoning often dominates public discourse.

When I say critical thinking, strictly, I'm referring to logic, or the science of how arguments need to be formed in order to be reasonable or correct. I'm also referring more generally to skills like separating truth from falsehood, being able to accurately evaluate other's arguments, being open-minded, and thinking with greater distance (rather than from a dogmatic or emotionally driven mindset).

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Stoicism and Virtue in Family Culture: A Conversation

2/5/2018

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Common Sense Ethics is now on Youtube! Most parents struggle to get their parenting ideals to match their every day family life. In response to my post from December, Brittany Polat of apparentstoic.com interviews me about how to create an ideal family culture based on Stoic and other philosophical virtues. We discuss:

How to make your ideal family culture part of your daily routine without making yourself crazy.
What techniques have worked for our families.
The importance of norms and family culture versus parenting style.
Books for children and the importance of reading to them.
Family activities and traditions based on Stoic philosophy.

Please subscribe to the channel - we will be discussing many exciting topics going forward!

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Creating Your Ideal Family Culture

12/19/2017

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With the holidays coming up, many of us are focused on family. My recent post Why You Should Create Your Own Culture to Be Happier prompted a discussion on the Stoic Parents Facebook group about how to create a family culture. Family culture, (defined as the way that a group of people think, feel, act and achieve common goals) is tremendously influential. Creating an ideal culture for your family is something that must be done intentionally. Otherwise you will probably operate in default mode just trying to get things done each day since life with kids tends to be busy:

"Parents must decide what quality of family life they will have and then use the necessary discipline to accomplish this. Otherwise life will push the family in diverse directions...Those parents who have carefully examined their values and their view of life are going to be those whose influence on their children is most consistent. Why? Because what they believe is important to them...Our priorities are determined by our values." - Gladys Hunt, Honey for a Child's Heart.

You don't get a second chance at raising your children. Brainstorm what you ideally want for your family life, write it down, and then be disciplined enough to implement it. Build the various aspects of your ideal family culture into your routine and they will come naturally. It may help to think about your ideal family culture in terms of these four broad categories:

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Musonius Rufus' Nurturing Stoic Family or Plato's Guardian Automatons?

5/16/2017

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Last month I had a post about philosophy and parenthood published at Modern Stoicism (formerly Stoicism Today). The post, linked here, is about how Plato's approach to parenting as described in the Republic is pretty much guaranteed to screw kids up.

On the other hand, the Stoic Musonius Rufus, writing somewhat later in antiquity, proposed a nurturing approach to family and raising children that happens to be very consistent with modern research on ideal infant attachment and child development. Here is an excerpt from the post (you can read the entire post at Modern Stoicism):

"Plato errs in viewing the care of young children as an unimportant activity which hinders or detracts from philosophy and the good of the state, rather than one which is good and philosophical in and of itself. Raising virtuous and empathetic children is a most important matter, maybe even the most important philosophical matter, because it is the cornerstone on which a good society is built to begin with."

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Growing Up Stoic: Philosophical Education for Character, Persistence, and Grit

10/24/2016

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Just in case you missed it, my post about Stoic education for children ran on Stoicism Today a few weeks back.

I'll be publishing a new Common Sense Ethics post soon!

Image: Credit Stoicism Today

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